This will be where I of course blog and talk about whats up.
Likely the place that'll be updated the most for obvious reasons.
Unlike most blogs I won't be giving dates due to my own reasonings and will simply be given their own title, but may label if the year changes or divide each year into seperate boxes if I end up using this for years.
Heads up that this is me being my pure unfiltered self just keep that in mind while reading and if you don't like it thats alright you don't have to read this.

2024

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Trying To Recover

A special family member and person in my life passed away, I already wasn't in a good place in my mind after I pushed some friends away from wanting to talk to me because I've been a bad friend. For a month it's hard to keep track at this point I've been feeling heavily dislocated from reality, my friends, my family and everything. I forgot who I was and didn't feel anything it felt like my teenage years all over again. Things have now gotten better and I talked about some personal things that have been building up in my mind for awhile, now I feel free even if still a little scared and unsure of myself. I will work on improving my confidence and be more open about whats going on with me rather than repressing my emotions to make others happy. For the past several months I've noticed I have been changing my personality to please others which I'm also trying to fix and figure out how to be myself.

I am sorry for the more downer blog entry compared to my usual writings and I know it doesn't compare well to the colorful fun site theme, but I want to use this blog more and actually write more properly what's going on with me for those actually interested in me

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Big Number 20 & Learning 3D

A couple days ago (August 30th) was my birthday! Officially the big 20 years old!
As of writing this it's also my roommate's birthday (September 4th, yes our birthdays are very close to each other!) but he unfortunately is sick on today of all days so we won't be doing anything besides relaxing and letting him rest so he can recover. Once he feels better we will definitely go out and do stuff to celebrate!

For my birthday I celebrated my emulating some of my childhood favorite games. Mostly how to train your dragon related ones.
I've also been learning blender! Haven't made any models myself, but I have been messing around with posing pre-existing models (Like pokemon) and rendering them. Super excited to get into the realm of 3D!
On more of an annoyance news:
The image hosting site I use ImgBB has been failing to load images lately for the past couple of days, it seems to be slowly fixing itself, but if it keeps having these issues I might have to find/use another website to upload my stuff like filegarden. which would suck since I'd have to reupload everything to whatever site I end up using.

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Americas Birthday & Artfight

Been AWHILE since I made any new entries.
I think it's been a whole month now actually. Crazy how time flies!

Anywho, It's the 4th of July! I don't necessarily celebrate it or anything like that despite me being American I'm simply not the biggest fan of fireworks. The most I'd do to celebrate is hang out with family and friends which is good enough for me!
I'm so excited about artfight! I've done several attacks already and it's only the beginning of the month! I plan on doing many more throughout the month and it's what will be taking up most of my time this month! With of course breaks to play games, talk to friends and swim in my pool since the weather is lovely out!
My local drive-in theater is opening for the summer and I'm really hoping to see some movies there!

Overall things are looking up! Removed some bad people out of my life and I'm focusing on my happiness and self discovering

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The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

For the past couple of weeks I was recovering from a sickness. Meanwhile I was doing voice calls with my friends which did make me feel better, but long story short some drama did go down in a way and it made me feel like shit even after my sickness was techically over. Luckily it's been dealt with hints the title of this blog.

It's been pretty peaceful since then, though I am still trying to process it all. Especially some of the stuff I confessed about that I never thought I would, but it did feel good to get it out of my system. Even if things didn't necessarily go my way and that did upset me for awhile I've processed these selfish jealous feelings and now I'm over it, just happy that we can all just chill now.
I know that last part might sound contradictory, but that's kind of how life is itself a contradicting mess.
In short: Stuff went down, but it's all good now.

On another note my partner has been helping me mod red dead redemption 2 it's mostly just mods to fix the end game and make John look properly like John instead of the weird black haired Arthur with a scar that we actually got.
I plan on streaming the game for my friends when I do play it and to take lovely screenshots. Very excited for the moding to be finished so I can begin this fun adventure with my pals.

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Red Dead Neocities

My first entry, how exciting.
I finished my neocities on easter. It was a very productive couple months. Not just for the site, but for other projects in general such as art trades and browser games.

A big weight feels lifted finishing this site, I've been giving myself a well deserved break by playing red dead redemption online with my roommate!
I know the game never gets updated and is kind of a wasteland, but it's still extremely fun! I finally reached rank 10 collector and got the lantern for my horse! It's been really handy during the night so far.
I guess you could say Red Dead Redemption is one of my main interest currently it's a really great game series so far and I'm excited for a possible third game which I'm hoping takes place before the second game so we can finally see what happened in black water. Also simply because I want to see more of John since he's the face of the franchise for me no matter what.

Outside of Red Dead Redemption and finishing my site, I've been doing calls with my friends where we chat during the night. It's been very helpful to distract me from my visions that often happen when it's dark.
It's also of course been helpful for my roommate who has night shift where he's often bored during it.
Sure we have our long periods of silence, but I'm simply happy to know they're there if I start seeing things.
For the record: Yes I have hallucinations, not sure if it's a medical issue or whatever. It's not that alarming or effects my life extremely for me to bother talking about it with a professional and only mostly effects me at night. Just thought I'd clear that up for those wondering.

Glad we got that cleared up. Anywho I appreciate anyone who read this rather it be those who are my friends, genuinely curious about me or those who want to laugh at me I'm fine with that too I understand how humorous I come off as an adult with such a childish website, interest and poor grammer I'm just glad I could give you some sort of entertainment even if it's not the positive kind in my regard necessarily.

Random note: As of writing this the eclipse is happening! The dogs don't seem to like it all that much, but it's interesting seeing how dark the sky is getting at such an early time (3 PM) For those watching the eclipse good luck getting a nice photo of it or whatever you plan on doing

2023

NOTE: These blog entries are taken from my spacehey blog I thought I'd include them since a lot of stuff happened last year. I apologize for some of them are super short entries due to obviously not being planned on being added to such a site

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Happy Holidays And Other News

Happy Holidays! Would’ve made this blog entry sooner, but I had covid for awhile and only just recently fully recovered
What’s new with me? Well my family got two new puppies, not really a fan of them as they’ll grow into big dogs and I’m a bit nervous around big dogs after past experiences. Regardless of my feelings I’ve still been taking care of them and bonding with them.
Also yesterday I saw the new migration movie! (I won’t be talking about spoilers don’t worry for those who want to see it) I remember seeing the trailer for it for the first time in the previews before the Mario Movie and safe to say I forgot everything that happened in the Mario Movie since I was just too excited about the migration movie!
It was definitely worth the wait! It’s up there as one of my top 20 favorite movies! It reminds me of a mix of secret life of pets and Rio which I love!
I know a lot of people aren’t a fan of illumination movies, but personally I love them and their simplicity

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My Mom’s Wedding

My mom got married today! I got to walk her down the isle I was super nervous, but it turned out alright!
If you’re curious the guy she married is someone she’s been with for half of my life at this point he isn’t my biological dad, but I still consider him my dad regardless! I had a feeling he was going to propose at some point, coincidentally I was thinking about when that’d happen the night before he actually did it! He proposed months ago though just forgot to blog about it since at the time I was quite busy!
Another ah-mazing fact! The wedding happened the same day as the PBS kids tv show Peg + Cat 10th anniversary! I drew this artwork for the anniversary even put cat in a tuxedo to pay sort of pay homage to that fact! I would’ve drawn peg too, but I mostly just specialize in animals plus I wanted to do one character really quick since the wedding did keep me occupied

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Thinking of changing my legal name

Been thinking about this for a long time
For the past couple of months I’ve been experimenting with a new name that I’ve considered going by for awhile.
I’ve been wanting to change my birth name (Cyan) for awhile since I’m tired of country folks:
- not knowing how to spell my name
- saying it sounds girly and that a boy shouldn’t have it
- thinking I’m lying
I just want something more normative legally wise so when I say it or have to write it down people don’t bat an eye
It’s hard for me to feel attached to the name since it was quite a random not really thoughtful name from what I was told with zero meaning. It will still sort of stick around in spirit as my username will always be Cyadical it’s just such a cool looking username I came up with years ago that I simply can’t get rid of! If you’re curious it’s a combination of cyan and radical! Radical always been one of my favorite words and I think I’m cool personally which is why I used it
The name I’ve been heavily questioning changing my legal name too is Xavier! Here’s some reasons why:
- I’ve always associated myself with the letter X for whatever reason I never figured out why, but looking into the letter more I learnt that it’s kind of like the inverted C with C being the 3rd first letter of the alphabet and X being the 3rd last!
- If I changed my name to this my initials would be XD and I think that’s funny, but outside of the fact it looks like that emoticon, it’s just cool looking initials
- I want a name that ends in er to honor my brother who’s no longer with us since his name ended in er being Hunter
I’ve been trying to get my friends and other folks thoughts on the name Xavier and if they think it fits me which is why I’m putting this here! Plus I thought it was interesting to type out!
[EDITED:] As you probably noticed Xavier is my name now since this blog entry! I'm happy to find a more fitting name for me and my family agrees it fits me

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Happy Birthday To Me!

Today is my birthday!
I may have covid and be bedridden currently, but I’m trying not to let it get me down!